Juxtaposition for the win? I dono, love u man.
- Jacky T
by Jacky T
Hannah carries her body like a new discovery; something deep in a couch cushion, presumed lost but found during a desperate search for coins to pay the pizza guy.
She walks as if her hips are an under the bed treasure that memory suggests she once owned but can't ever place losing; a bracelet that she needs to keep running her fingers over, passing by windows to be sure it's really there.
She's in love with walking past windows now.
Hips, breasts, legs, she lets them work in tandem as she strolls, doesn't isolate them or shove them deep into crevices.
Hannah began as a child star.
Well that's what her mum would say.
In reality, it was just ads for cleaning products and such, but most people in her home town still did remember and softly jided her about those TV days.
She sure did chase that Kleenex Labrador, toilet roll in tow, down the hallway with an element of class she supposed, so perhaps 'star' was not such an exaggeration.
She smiles at the thought of her mom by the VCR, cussing under her breath at an episode of Neighbours to hurry up and break so she can hit Record and capture her daughter's 12 seconds of screen time.
Hannah reaches her local park and goes about setting out her yoga mat on the grass.
It's barely 7am so most others are deep into an exercise routine already, or busy blinking slowly in line at the corner cafe - awaiting stimulation.
The morning sun casually rolls between the trees, with warmth, then just a bland yellow colouring as the clouds swallow it momentarily. The sunshine has a crippling effect on people in the morning; its absence feels like a betrayal, as everyone seems entitled to at least the consistency of the sun to begin their day.
Hannah lifts her face to the sky and opens her mouth.
If I dry out my tongue enough, she reasons, I won’t have to chit chat with the other downward facing dogs... who always seem to come sniffing around this patch of grass; curious looks and requests for autographs on whatever receipt they can find in their jogging shorts.
'A lot of deep lifting and a lot of heavy breathing,' Hannah tells old friends when, in surprise, they ask upon seeing her for the first time in years, 'how did you lose so much weight?!'
Most people are in too much awe, or sometimes jealousy to notice she has joked 'deep lifting and heavy breathing' rather than heavy lifting and deep breathing which would make a lot more sense.
She tends to just drift away when they ask these questions, bored by the predictability of it all; they never seem to probe about if she’s happier now or not.
Hannah wants to say to old friends, who bail her up at the supermarket deli to gush over her new body, 'all it takes is humour.'
She wants to say this because it's true.
One night, feeling halfway between a soggy balloon and a punched pancake, Hannah got up out of bed, dismayed to see the clock dial at 4am (the heaviest of the morning hours) and headed to the bathroom.
She sat down on the toilet and began to cry so hard that she worried there wouldn't be enough toilet paper in the world to dry her tears.
She cried so hard that she was left with just gasps, then eventually hoarse croaks and finally a slight chuckle.
'It was the absurdity of sitting there, soaking my undies round my ankles with tears, that made me see things as not all that bad...'
She tells an E News reporter 4 years later on the red carpet, whilst being interviewed about her 'amazing transformation.'
'... Once you see the absurdity of being upset over the things in life you can change, well they all seem a bit funny don’t they? And the idea of change becomes the only concrete idea you have of the world... You can safely build something healthy on that then I reckon.’
The reporter shuffles uncomfortably and the cameraman shrugs nervously as they calculate it isn’t quite the one liner they can cut and edit up for the viewer’s easy digestion.
Hannah gives them a big smile (which is what they end up airing alone) and strolls on down the red carpet, all her parts in tandem, to the opening of her first film... feeling less star and more sunshine.