From the year 2005. This is a further exploration on time travel. I guess this isn't a break month.
Onwards and rearwards.
- The Egg Party
A Rearward Reward
by the Egg Party
I found a diary on the street. After returning from the future, the year 2560 in Bangkok, to Berlin in 2017, I was scattered. I was existing as a couple of different versions of myself. I was in a medium depression. My energy for activities requiring focus, such writing, was at a low.
I instead worked at my editing of a longer piece. I wrote a lot of this while in Thailand and it makes sense because the piece is set in the far future. I wrote the end chapters there. Now that I am back in the present I analyse how I look to the future.
Then I had the opportunity to go further back in time with the diary. The diary was from the year 2005.
In the end it was back to the future, to go back to the present, to go back to the past to look at the future, in order to go back to the present, to finish the story about the future. My delorean was a new diary. 88 WPM.
I was asked last week what was my purpose for writing was. It took me some time to answer but I came to the conclusion that I write to improve my self-worth. Which is setting myself up to fail. When I am low and I wallow in self-pity I automatically fail again through my writing.
I was also having trouble talking about writing at the time. I think it is because my writing also highlights my failure at speaking German. I write English over learning German. I put so much of myself into writing. Into what could turn out to be a useless endeavour. It needs to be good enough that it can satisfy me.
Satisfy me when I say that I have not been learning German because I have been wallowing in English.
I had patience with my low mood and waited out the depression, accepting the cyclic nature of the condition. In the end it changed and as I write this I am a bit feeling better about life.
A new diary assisted in this process. Leaving organisation to natural inclinations was failing and it provided a boost.
Today is Mittwoch.
My diary week starts on a Tuesday and it is surprising how influential that small difference is. I have crossed out each day and rewritten it. Each day has a stroke through it and is replaced with the German equivalent. I read the German name each day, choking on the pronunciation.
That's all. They were aiming to be the best. The best there ever was. I can be inspired by that.